the ever-elusive will of God

i read a study of dangerous driving habits a few months back. now some of the statements i was guilty of, made sense to me: "if you make a habit of talking on the phone while driving, you probably exhibit some tendencies of a dangerous driver..." (a HUGE part of my multi-tasking personality!). then there was something like "if you find yourself at a familiar place on a highway, but cannot remember actually driving the last several miles...", and "if you've ever eaten an entire meal while driving...", etc. you get the idea. those make sense to me. fortunately they didn't even broach the subject of checking email while driving :) one statement that caught my attention was the phrase "if driving behind a tractor trailer, or other large vehicle, causes you some anxiety because it obstructs your view of the road ahead, you probably exhibit some tendencies of a dangerous driver." that seemed odd to me, because i've always tried to pay attention to what was going on many car lengths ahead of me--seemingly i should be awarded a safe-driver prize for that one.

subject change for a moment (but we'll get back to driving!)--awkward transition... anyway, i'm FINALLY getting around to spring cleaning (i guess you'd call it summer cleaning now)--moving the sweaters and jackets into storage, scrubbing the kitchen floor extra hard, and going through endless papers lying around the apartment in piles that made more sense in the formative stages. i came across a half-sheet of yellow paper from a conference in atlanta that i had attended roughly two and a half years ago, that was atop my dresser (if that gives you any clue as to my organization style!). the notes i had jotted down on the back of the paper drew me out of my cleaning frenzy and into a photo album of God-memories.

i remembered the state of life i was in when i had taken these notes. working a job, knowing my life purpose must be more grandiose than punching a keyboard in a office, but not being able to see the horizon past the tractor trailer in front of me. i had an interview with a church in atlanta that weekend. coincidentally, or divinely appointed, whichever, a presbyterian missionary convention also met in atlanta that weekend (drawing my sister and bro-in-law), so i visited. i was intrigued by one particular seminar led by paul kooistra (Mission to the Word, PCA) was titled something like, "finding the will of God"--how timely! at a time when my mind was singing "should i stay or should i go now???" 24/7, this guy was going to give me all the answers! though i had really just dropped by to see aimee, i was enamored with the idea of finding this elusive accomplishment: being in the center of God's will. God spoke to me in His timely way that weekend with the following outline:

1. God calls us first to Himself.
2. look at how God has made us (spiritual life, personality, etc.)
   -remember: God has a plan
3. pray for your heart
4. know the Word of God
   a. what does scripture teach me about the mind and heart of God?
   b. pray that God could give us a clear understanding of decisions, of who i am, etc.
   c. know how His Word applies to my circumstances.

then His Spirit brought this scripture to my heart, from 1 thessalonians 5:

16 Always be joyful. 17 Keep on praying. 18 No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (NLT)

i strongly believe that God has ordained this specific situation for me at this specific church. however, it was at this point that i heard Him address me as His child, and tell me that it doesn't matter as much where i lay my head, where i get my paycheck, where i sip my coffee or who i sip it with. what matters infinitely more is 1) my joy in Him being complete, 2) my pursuing intimacy with Him, and 3) being thankful no matter what the circumstance (connotes looking to Him for all my needs, too). i sometimes think that all else is kinda peripheral. just accessories to what really matters. and that releases me to really be who i am called to be. cool...